I truly believe that every child goes through a picky eating phase. And it makes sense. Kids are unable to reason through ideas that we as adults use in order to try new foods:
- “I should try that, I might like it. It is similar to a lot of other foods I like, plus, my mom says that I will like it and she knows everything.”
- “This looks like something I have never had and a color that is unusual. Let’s try it!”
- “I don’t love this, but it’s good for my body and brain, so I’m going to eat it.”
-No Kid, ever
Kids are wired to desire the foods that taste good to them as well as those that are predictable. Therefore, they request those foods. Pair that with being reinforced when they put up a stink, and voila! They will remain picky until they are able to reason through the above thoughts. There are so many approaches to picky eating out there. You (as I always say) have to decide what is best for your lifestyle and your family. Here are some ideas to try! Remember, if your child has varying medical needs or a nutrition or weight deficiency, consult your doctor and/or gastroenterologist to assure the appropriate approaches to eating. And if your child is receiving feeding therapy, run these suggestions past your therapist to assure it meshes with your plan.
How to Approach Picky Eating
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1. Start Early, when possible
You hear this all the time. From day one. “Expose them to different flavors in utero.” “Breastfeeding moms should eat different spices.” While this is true and definitely encouraged, it also starts when Baby starts eating table foods. This is the time to really go for it in the avenue of flavors. You can do this by adding a dash of spice to purees and blending your own purees. I like giving kids safe foods to hold and mouth. This includes large carrots (not baby carrots!), celery sticks, thick sweet pepper strips, pineapple wheels. Along with this, put foods that are chokeable in one of these nifty feeders. This allows for Baby to get these flavors and textures without the risk of choking. It also gives tactics for chewing, mouthing, and oral motor skills such as tongue lateralization. Note: For goodness sake, provide constant supervision while you play with food. I gave my daughter a strip of cooked sweet potato at the age of 7(?) months and it definitely broke off and I thought she was going to choke and we probably both peed a little.
2. Share the responsibility of eating
The time between baby to toddlerhood (12-20 months) is crucial for solidifying your philosophy at mealtimes. Old babies and young toddlers begin to understand and test parameters. And remember, kids secretly want structure, boundaries and consistency. I encourage you to establish a routine for you and your family. I stand by the philosophy of “You pick what and when they eat, they decide how much.” This is known as the division of responsibility from Ellyn Satter. This means that you provide the foods that your child eats at the times that you decide is best. You can know that if they don’t eat a big breakfast, you will offer them something else (your choice!) at the snack time of your choosing. And the child gets used to that. Remembering this can help us parents feel less guilty and less responsible when a child doesn’t eat what is presented to him or her.
Consider these scenarios:
a. Dad prepares spaghetti for the family. Child says “no” in a number of ways as toddlers do. Parents attempt to coerce by helping feed, making fun noises and faces, negotiating “1 bite”. This slowly increases parents’ anxiety when they finally say, “Let’s just do cheese and a pouch. We know she’ll eat that.” That child was just reinforced to try this method in future meals. We have ALL done this. Oh my goodness have I done this. AND I KNOW THAT I’M NOT “SUPPOSED” TO!
OR
b. Dad prepares spaghetti for the family and child refuses. Parents say, “ok, you can let it sit there and you can sit with us while we eat.” End of discussion. Maybe Child truly doesn’t eat anything. Parents then get to decide when and what to give for a snack if desired. Maybe you have a bedtime snack and tonight it is an orange. Child is not reinforced because this would be a typical snack time for him/her.
3. Everyone gets everything on their plate
Ok, but what if you have missed the boat on “starting early”. And now you’ve got a
chicken-nugget-and-mac-and-cheese kiddo on your hands? Start a new family rule:
Everybody gets a little of everything on their plate. This can be a small tablespoon scoop or 3 peas. Use divider plates to lessen any overwhelming feelings. Remember that you decide what and when, they decide how much. Also, it might be important to prepare the plate beforehand or together in the beginning. I feel like I’ve unintentionally prepared my daughter’s plate by giving her veggies to begin with, hoping she’ll start with them, then giving her a main course, and then giving her fruit. That order might suggest that I’m giving her good stuff because she isn’t eating the “yucky” stuff. When you put the plate of everything in front of the child, they get to decide how much of what to eat, but you have done your part. My daughter’s newest phrase is “don’t want those” as she picks foods off of her plate and puts them on the table. As best as I can, I take a deep breath and respond, “Ok, you don’t have to eat it, but you can leave them on your plate.”
**Hey picky parents! This one goes out to you too. If you are a selective eater yourself, implementing this rule is necessary for everyone at the dinner table. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to eat it, but modeling this for all family members is important.
4. Strategically choose what is offered, but don’t short order cook
I know… you’re thinking,“Yeah, if I do that, my kid won’t eat.” Try to offer a few courses/side dishes with each meal. If you know you are serving something that they won’t like (spaghetti), try adding a few sides that you know they will eat (garlic bread or plain toast, fruit salad, cheese board). This can give them a feeling of satisfaction and success with this new rule of having to have something that they dislike on their plate but still being able to eat something they like. No doubt, this will be a slow process. Please, please, for your sake, don’t make separate dishes for different family members. It is exhausting and only reinforces that they can eat anything THEY want.
5. Keep it up, keep it consistent
Lastly, you can make the rules as to how you increase kids’ exposure and interaction
with foods. By having it on their plate with the new rule suggested, this provides them with visual input and smell. It is in their vicinity. Maybe you encourage poking it with a fork. This is a safe way to understand a little bit about the texture. Maybe you touch it with a finger. This can offer information about the temperature and more info about the texture. Try encouraging squishing. Again, more texture input and increased comfort.
Maybe encourage a smell, maybe a kiss, maybe a lick. Maybe you decide that you want your child to take a bite or two. You know your child best. Also, some parents don’t want their child to squish their food at the dinner table. I get it.
If this progression creates a lot of anxiety for you and your child and makes mealtimes a nightmare, a skilled occupational or speech therapist (OT or SLP) that is trained in feeding therapy can help.
What about kids that are particularly rigid given a diagnosis or personality type? This will take time and it will be important to create a consistent context and routine. It may help to continue to attempt to trend toward having a plate and putting very small amounts of a variety of foods on there, if tolerated. Also, use visual supports. Try having a schedule, use of a visual timer, and the required number of bites with a picture of the preferred activity for after dinner time.
Keep in mind, feeding is slow. It is a challenging area for all parents at some point in their child’s development. Take on only what is doable for you and your family. And if needed, seek out the help of an OT or SLP to create an individualized plan. You’re doing great, this stuff is hard!
Satter, E. (2000). Child of mine: feeding with love and good sense. Palo Alto, CA: Bull Pub.
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